Parenting Styles: The Ultimate 2022 Guide (+ Examples)
As parents, we all have our own unique parenting styles–but we can all agree on one thing: parenting isn’t easy.
On days when you’re feeling happy and calm, you might be responsive and empathetic toward your child’s meltdown over her slightly burnt toast.
But when you’re stressed and under a deadline at work and she starts acting out–your household democracy quickly turns into a dictatorship–with your official motto being “because I said so.”
Both of these examples represent an element of what developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind calls “the 4 parenting styles”:
- Authoritarian
- Permissive
- Uninvolved
- Authoritative
But what exactly are the 4 parenting styles, and which one most closely matches your own style? What is the impact of parenting style on child development?
Most parents don’t fit neatly into one style, and it’s important to remember that no parent is perfect. This ultimate guide will tell you all you need to know about parenting styles, the research behind them, and how learning about their effects can help you raise happier, healthier kids.
What Are The 4 Parenting Styles? (A Simple Explanation)
In the 1960s, developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind studied a group of over 100 preschoolers and their parents. Her research–conducted through observation and interviews, revealed 2 important parental behaviors that seemed to affect a child’s growth and behavior:
Responsiveness: The degree to which a parent responds to their child’s emotional needs with warmth and acceptance, validating their feelings and guiding them through difficulty.
Demandingness: The degree to which a parent sets clear rules, boundaries and expectations for the child, and holds them accountable for their behavior.
Based on these 2 elements, Baumrind (with the help of psychologists Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin in the 1980s) created 4 distinct parenting styles–each having different degrees of each element:
- Authoritarian: Low responsiveness, high demandingness
- Permissive: High responsiveness, low demandingness
- Uninvolved: Low responsiveness, low demandingness
- Authoritative: High responsiveness, high demandingness
Because responsiveness and demandingness are both healthy parental behaviors, authoritative style parenting has been shown in research to produce the best outcomes in children.
But what does each style look like in real life, and which style applies most to you? Which of the 4 parenting styles is best? Read on for a description and example of each style in action.
Because I Said So: Authoritarian Parenting Style
If you’ve ever ordered your child to her room, offering no explanation, shutting down any attempted protest with “I don’t want to hear it!”, you might have had an authoritarian parenting moment.
Marked by high demandingness and low responsiveness, authoritarian-style parents expect their children to obey them at all times, without question.
Authoritarian parents set clear, high expectations and boundaries for their children (which is a good thing), but do not attempt to understand the reasons behind their child’s misbehavior, or validate their child’s feelings.
Authoritarian-style parenting focuses on punishment (time outs, spanking, yelling or shaming) to deter undesirable behavior in the future.
Research shows that children raised in authoritarian homes may grow up to be rule followers–or they may rebel against authority. These children tend to rank lower in measurements of happiness, and may struggle with self-esteem.
If you lean toward authoritarian parenting, you’re not alone. We all want our children to obey and respect us, and temper tantrums are universally annoying! But because research shows warmth and responsiveness helps improve outcomes, it may help to learn more about empathy, and to practice talking with your child about their feelings when they struggle with their behavior.
Book Recommendation for Authoritarian Parents: The Whole Brain Parent: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind By Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
You’ve Got a Friend In Me: Permissive Parenting Style
We all want a positive, mutually loving relationship with our kids. But if you tend to focus on making your child happy at all times–opting to not set limits or boundaries, leaving them “free” to make their own choices, you might lean toward a more permissive parenting style.
Permissive-style parenting is high in responsiveness–meaning parents provide their child with emotional warmth and empathy, but is low in demandingness–meaning they do not place high demands on their children’s behavior.
Permissive parents consider themselves more of a friend to their child than a parent, and do not interfere in their child’s behavior unless there is a serious problem.
While being emotionally attuned to your child is a wonderful thing, research shows children thrive better in structured, predictable environments.
Because children of permissive parents have not been given boundaries or rules, they may grow up to disrespect authority figures, and struggle with their academic performance. And because life skills and healthy habits have not been taught by parents, these children are more at risk for obesity.
We all want our children to like us–but it’s also up to us to help teach them important life skills and healthy habits. Learning more about positive discipline strategies may be helpful.
Book Recommendation for Permissive Parents: Discipline Your Kids With Positive Parenting by Nicole Libin
Hands-Off: Uninvolved Parenting Style
If you’ve ever been under so much stress, that caring for your child’s basic needs for clothing, food and shelter were all you could manage, you may have experienced uninvolved parenting. You may also have experienced this as a child, if you had an uninvolved parent.
Uninvolved parenting style is marked by both low demandingness and low responsiveness, and is also called “neglectful” parenting.
Uninvolved parents care for their child’s basic needs, but do not set rules or boundaries, nor do they provide them with warmth or emotional support and guidance. Their children are “on their own” and expected to raise themselves.
It’s important to note that many uninvolved parents do not intend to neglect their children–they may be suffering from a severe mental illness, addiction or other extreme form of stress and receive little support from their family or community.
Uninvolved parenting is unsurprisingly associated with the worst outcomes in children as they grow into adults. Children of uninvolved parents tend to perform poorly in school, have low self-esteem, and have more behavioral problems than their peers.
If you feel overwhelmed by stress, you’re not alone. If mental illness is keeping you from parenting your child, help is available. Contact a local counselor or call SAMHSA’s national mental health referral service.
Book Recommendations for Uninvolved Parents:
It Didn’t Start With You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are And How to End The Cycle By Mark Wolynn
The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired By Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
The Best of Both Worlds: Authoritative Parenting Style
Your child is screaming at you because you’ve turned off their favorite show and told them to get ready for school. Rather than match their yelling, you quietly sit down next to them, offer a hug, and tell them you’re sorry they’re frustrated, and you know they love their show. You let them know that they can watch their show later, but now it’s time to get ready.
If you frequently show empathy to your child while also setting clear rules and boundaries, you may lean toward authoritative parenting.
Authoritative-style parenting is high in both responsiveness and demandingness, and is shown by research to be linked to the most positive outcomes in children.
Authoritative parents seek to understand the reasons behind their child’s misbehavior and show them warmth and empathy. Rules, expectations and boundaries are set and upheld, but the parent often involves the child in problem-solving and validates their emotions during conflict.
Research shows children from authoritative families perform better academically, develop stronger life skills and score higher in measurements of happiness and self-esteem.
If you’re using an authoritative parenting style with your kids, you’re on the right track–but all parents can benefit from learning more about positive parenting techniques. If your kids are still young, learning about adolescent brain development and strategies will be beneficial to prepare you for their next stage in development.
Book Recommendations For Authoritative Parents:
Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain By Daniel J Siegel
Newer Parenting Styles: “Helicopter” and More
It’s been 60 years since Baumrind established her 4 parenting styles, and American culture has shifted dramatically since then. As new generations are born and raised, newer parenting styles have emerged. If you’ve overheard buzzwords like helicopter parenting, lawn mower parenting, free-range parenting, or positive parenting, here’s the rundown on what they mean.
Helicopter Parenting
If you’ve ever driven your child’s homework to school after they left it at home–or if you routinely perform tasks for your older child that they’re capable of doing themselves, you might be a helicopter parent.
“Helicopter parent” refers to parents who constantly hover over their children (like helicopters), ensuring their safety at all times, and solving any problems that may arise for the child–even when the child is old enough to handle it on their own. Also called “lawn mower” parenting (because they “mow down” obstacles in the child’s path), helicopter parenting is simply “over-parenting.”
Children of helicopter parents may grow up with a sense of entitlement–since adults have historically handled all problems for them. They may also have increased anxiety and underdeveloped life skills.
Book Recommendation For Helicopter Parents: The Mom Manager Epidemic By Thomas W Phelan
Free-Range Parenting
If you allow your child the freedom to walk to the park and play unaccompanied, let them learn to cook responsibly around knives and ovens, and trust them to get tasks done on their own, you might be a “free-range” parent.
The opposite of “helicopter parenting” in many ways, “free-range” parenting is authoritative parenting with an emphasis on providing children with more opportunities for independence. The term “free-range parenting” was coined by journalist Lenore Skenazy in 2008.
Skenazy’s “Let Grow” foundation encourages parents to allow their children to complete tasks on their own–such as walking to the park and playing alone, riding their bikes around the neighborhood, or running errands by themselves. While it sounds simple, many modern parents fear their child isn’t safe doing these tasks and prefer to accompany their child to protect them from kidnappers or other perceived dangers.
Free-range parenting is a newer concept–so there hasn’t been any official research conducted on the practice. However, allowing kids to enjoy unstructured play has shown notable benefits.
Book Recommendation: Free-Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy
Positive Parenting
If you set limits on your child’s behavior while making a considerable effort to improve your emotional bond with them, you’re likely using positive parenting.
Positive parenting has been a massive buzzword for the past 2 decades, with influencers such as Dr. Laura Markham of Aha Parenting and Amy McCready of Positive Parenting Solutions leading the conversation.
Positive parenting can be seen as synonymous with authoritative style parenting–with an emphasis on parents learning to regulate their own emotions (rather than react in the heat of the moment), and forming a close emotional bond with their children.
Positive parenting takes a “whole brain” approach to parenting, recognizing the developmental stages of children and teens when considering disciplinary strategies.
Because positive parenting is a form of authoritative parenting, it is also linked with happier kids who have higher self-esteem and perform well in school.
Book Recommendation: Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham
It’s Not Cut and Dry: Limitations on Baumrind Parenting Styles Research
While Baumrind and her colleagues based their 4 parenting styles on solid research, the research was primarily conducted on white, middle-class families–all of them residing in the United States.
Modern researchers have attempted to apply Baumrind’s ideas to other countries, with mixed results. For example–one study in Spain found very little difference in outcomes for children in permissive homes vs authoritative.
There are also many other important factors that influence how a child “turns out” — including genetics, peer influence and the child’s natural temperament.
For example, a child with a naturally strong-willed temperament may trigger a parent who is usually authoritative, to become more rigid and authoritarian in response to disobedience. In this case, the child is influencing the parent rather than the opposite.
However, research suggests there is a strong link between authoritative parenting and happier, more well-adjusted kids.
What’s Your Parenting Style? Parenting Styles Quiz
If you’ve read through this guide and are curious about what type of parenting style you lean toward, Psych Central offers a quick quiz to help you gain insight.
Just follow this link to take the quiz and view your results.
The Key to Raising Happy, Healthy Kids
Okay, so you flipped out over your child’s tantrum over her burnt toast this morning. Does that make you an authoritarian parent? No.
You let your child stay up past midnight on New Year’s eve, and turned a blind eye as she ate candy and chips for dinner. Does this make you a permissive parent? Not at all.
We all cycle through different parenting styles throughout our child’s upbringing, and not a single one of us is perfect. While authoritative (or “positive”) parenting holds a lot to offer in shaping our children into healthy adults, parents should be careful not to identify too rigidly with one parenting label.
At the end of the day, effective parenting comes down to doing what feels right for your own unique family, and keeping your mind open to learning and evolving your parenting methods as your kids develop.
